👥 Action #0010 - Using Others As Mirrors

How to use others, to help you understand yourself.

“Salvation lies within” Norton, Shawshank Redemption

Having explored how to find wisdom internally, it is time we start exploring how we can use the external world as well.

Too many modern approaches to self-development and growth focus purely on your internal view of the world. That is like trying to get dressed for a banquet without having a mirror - doable, but with increased possibilities of disaster.

Thus, let me introduce you to the “Mirror” concept. For those of you just joining, or if you skipped a newsletter or two, feel free to also check out the full list of #actions here.


Before we do, this is a kind reminder to send love to all the women in your life, for today is International Women’s day. To all the women reading this, this is your day to celebrate, dance, wiggle, to show to the world the Queen that lives inside.

To Valerie, my love, you are the only reason this newsletter exists, for without you I would have never discovered anything about myself and would have continued my life of ignorance and misery indefinitely. You are my universe!

⚡ Now, The Action

Give advice to the ten closest people in your life. Then follow it yourself.

🤔 The Why

If your home-mirror helps you get a sense of how you look, then the people in your life can help you see how you actually feel internally, and give you tips on how to improve.

This is not an easy concept to grasp, especially when encountering it for the first time.

The theory goes as follows: everything we feel about others is merely a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. This includes irritations, judgments, appraisals, appreciation, and for the purposes of this week - advice.

In further newsletters, we will explore this deeper.

#shoutout to Rein from the Cocoon Program, who introduced me to the concept. If you are a founder, do check them out.

🧐 The How - Full Version

Please identify the ten closest people in your life, and then do the following:

  1. For each - list what their main “issue” in life is. The deeper, the better. Write it down.

  2. Write down that, which you would advise them to do (or not to do). Change in behavior, concrete actions, anything goes.

  3. Apply this advice to yourself, and see what you need to change in your own life.

  4. Follow the advice.

  5. Profit.

🐨 Lazy Mode

This one is so easy, I feel bad even writing the “lazy mode” edition, but if I must:

Think of your best friend, and identify one piece of advice that would change their life the most, if they followed it. Follow this advice for a week.

💖 Personal Application

Virtually all advice that we give, is actually the answer to some of our problems. Except, it is too easy to give it to someone else, as then you do not have to take the responsibility of following it.

This week, we turn this underutilized tool on its head, by making you take responsibility for the advice you give out. As you may have guessed, this is also the reason that I also do all the actions that I hereby suggest for you all.

💸 Professional Application

In business, this is crucial when you work with others, as it is so easy to simply judge your co-workers or employees. It is also very easy to tell people what to do. To command.

However, now that you know this approach, the next time you are inclined to simply lash out your commands or to offer unsolicited advice - ask yourself if you are actually following it yourself, and look at what you could have done to prevent the issue in the first place.

📚 Resources & Bibliography

This Weeks Clubhouse Meetup
Cocoon Program - For Founders
The List Of All Actions
How To Use This Newsletter
My Discord Community
My Telegram Community

💕 Clubhouse Meetup

Our weekly Clubhouse meetup will take place on Friday at 17:10 GMT +2. The event can be found here.

P.S. Once again, I keep getting new invites. Ping me if you want one.



Dmitri Sarle