Before you can help others, you must help yourself for what is best for you is more often than not - best for others. No, that does not make you into a narcissist.
Too often, we sacrifice our own well-being for others, only to arrive at less than acceptable results both for ourselves and the very people we wanted to help. Today, we shall briefly explore - why.
P.S. The meetup has a new time slot, which you can find below. To join, apply here.
⚡ The Action
Create a list of 50 (fifty) items that you want to do for yourself, and where nobody else would directly benefit from said actions.
🤔 The Why
You might be surprised to find out, but the world is full of givers - people who willingly sacrifice their well-being and desires, so as to please others.
“Pure givers” - give, give, give and expect nothing back. “Matching Givers” - give and expect the same (or more) back. Takers - need professional help, as they were probably badly hurt at some point.
Pure givers often completely disregard themselves, get burned out, and actually perform very poorly because they only help the performance of others.
Matchers, sometimes feel let down because their unvoiced expectations were not met, and as a result - they go out on a revenge spree.
By focusing on oneself - the pure givers among you - can experience the beauty of how helping yourself actually also helps everyone around you.
Matchers, would benefit from letting go of expectations, by doing the desires activities for themselves. If you can’t fully love yourself, and give yourself that which you deserve, how can you expect others to love you?
🧐 The How - Full Version
Sit down, and create a list of fifty items that you want to do for yourself, that would only benefit you directly - not others.
This is not a recommendation to do this from hereon and forever. One of the most beautiful things in life is to give to the world, without expecting anything back. However, one must learn to do that without expectations and not that at the expense of the self.
Consider different areas of your life:
Health and well-being.
Free time and hobbies.
Items and miscellaneous.
🐨 Lazy Mode
Do something purely for yourself this week. Be it a visit to the SPA, a quiet hour with a book, or a few hours at the beach.
💖 Personal Application
As a habitual giver in my personal relationships, one thing that I have often overlooked is that if I purely focus on giving to the other - then the other has no space to give back to me, and therefore would often feel inadequate, unhelpful and ‘not good enough’. The very desire to make the other feel-good often created the very opposite reaction.
There must be a balance of giving and taking, and one must allow others to help, so as to give them a chance to fully express themselves and to feel useful.
💸 Professional Application
The first thing one must do is to get rid of the takers, as a single taker can often completely destroy the culture of the organization. That is not to say that they are bad people, they just need serious support to change their worldview, and an organization rarely has the resources to do that.
This is extremely well-argued and outlined in this TED Talk by Adam Grant. He goes on to show that pure givers are generally the worst performers in organizations, but if they are given the right atmosphere and support - they are actually also the best performers. Knowing this fact can help you manage your organizational culture, and to create an atmosphere of support.
📱 The Meetup - New Time - Sunday 16:00
The new meetup time will be on Sunday the 18th at 16:00 EEST. Those of you registered will shortly receive a calendar invite. If you would like to be registered, apply here.